i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
