I heard we made out
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They took my balls.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
