my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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