I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
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