I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
