You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
