K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
