the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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