ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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