Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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