Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We need to rekindle our bromance
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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