it's like heaven, but drunker
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
