happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
