Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
