i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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