all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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