its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.