fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid