That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf