Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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