Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.

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  (972): Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition. http://tfl.nu/d2b2
  Replies (20) Good night (2356) Bad night (631)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?

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  (586): Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white? http://tfl.nu/dlzj
  Replies (28) Good night (2655) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"

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  (720): turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen" http://tfl.nu/kas3
  Replies (20) Good night (8135) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.

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  (972): Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy. http://tfl.nu/2xr2
  Replies (52) Good night (905) Bad night (9546) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.

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  (609): i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier. http://tfl.nu/075q
  Replies (14) Good night (4358) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name

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  (561): Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name http://tfl.nu/36j9
  Replies (4) Good night (3146) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible

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  (919): They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible http://tfl.nu/xaoi
  Replies (7) Good night (3873) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

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  (310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8
  Replies (34) Good night (17058) Bad night (1405) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.

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  (931): He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance. http://tfl.nu/zsaz
  Replies (2) Good night (1909) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.

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  (306): He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call. http://tfl.nu/bo9m
  Replies (2) Good night (1740) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.

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  (626): He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex. http://tfl.nu/kqx4
  Replies (7) Good night (3557) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.

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  (616): Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless. http://tfl.nu/4zx2
  Replies (9) Good night (811) Bad night (2080) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.

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  (480): His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it. http://tfl.nu/pwa8
  Replies (15) Good night (624) Bad night (3373) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.

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  (978): I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest. (1-978): I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text. http://tfl.nu/56wf
  Replies (4) Good night (1601) Bad night (533)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.

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  (352): She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look. http://tfl.nu/0p9m
  Replies (5) Good night (553) Bad night (1448) Order T-Shirt

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