I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!