So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
