they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
