But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
