Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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