after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
