there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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