Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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