Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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