He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
