she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
