We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need moral support for this bender
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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