I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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