Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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