my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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