I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
40s are totally the cure
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
