Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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