john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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