Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
