ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
