I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
