if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
