I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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