so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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