Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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