I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
