i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
