home. puking in laundry basket.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
