One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
