I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
