He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
