Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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