maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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