You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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