can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
