Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
