she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
