Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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