you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
