hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
