a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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