I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize