Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just invented taco cereal.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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