Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
