It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
