I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
